AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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