Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
