She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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