I think i sorta joined a cult last night
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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