my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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