Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
there is glitter all over my balls
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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