The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
