That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
so explain again why im purple
no
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
