shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
