Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
