forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
