I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
