god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Randomize
