Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
