Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
