Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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