a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
it was like eating out sand paper
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
