Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
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