I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
