Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
how does that bad decision feel?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
