I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
