The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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