Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
