oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
