He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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