Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
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I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
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I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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