Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
