Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
