i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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