this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
