Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
