I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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