I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
