If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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