dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
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Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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