can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
