if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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