I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
