Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
