Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Drunk is a universal language darling
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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