Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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