I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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