what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
