he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My life is pants optional.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
