Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
