I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
