I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I need help removing her.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
