you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
