the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I supernannyed him into submission
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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