Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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