did you get engaged???
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
