Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
