So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
