So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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