what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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