I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
