You really coming over, don't trick.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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