Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
