this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
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No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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