God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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