everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
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Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
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I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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