you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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