So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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