he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
