look no pants
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Congratulations! We have a period
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
