i jhust puked up my retainher.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
