I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
