we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Bring me that man meat
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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