Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
