rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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