Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
foreskin is a definite game changer
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
